IMPORTANCE OF BEING APPLE
It has been a long journey since God advised Adam not to eat apple and Khalil Gibran rejoiced in apples "through all the seasons" For whatever reason , apple has always been Centre stage in legends spun around it in ancient and later times. Even Newton had to sit under this tree of knowlege to discover the law of gravity !
"Taming of the shrew."
No, we are not discussing shakespeare here. No Andrew Bradley quotes either. There is nothing academic infact.
The focus is on an aggressive rat-type creature called shrew. To be precise it is the Asian shrew. This species (of shrew) is called chuchunder (छछूंदर) in India and is mentioned in Rudyard Kipling's Jungle Book, as a nocturnal inhabitant of houses.
We were living a perfectly peaceful P.G.Wodehouse type life when one fine morning I found that the telephone cord from the wall to the our telephone instrument
had been badly chewed. In the following days tell tale signs of other things ravaged came to notice - a curtain, a shoe, a rubber hose. Then one day as I sat on an easy chair next to the telephone watching a crow outside on the compound wall pecking at something, I caught the movement of a shrew scampering on the floor along the wall as it prepared to go back to whatever place he lived after his reconoissance mission in the house.
"Hello shrew " I whispered, turning my attention from the crow to the shrew.
A shrew has very sharp hearing power.
He stopped and turned back and tried to locate the source of the sound that greeted him. I tapped with the walking stick close to him so that he would go away but he attacked the stick violently. Good God, here was a combatant. I was taken aback. I am a non violent person.
As I neither moved nor made any further sound, he turned back and quietly went out of the room.
I called an urgent meeting of all the stake holders. We decided to use a non violent rat trap - a wooden box that slapped shut as soon as a rat entered the box and pulled at the bait.
We set the rat trap near the door and went to sleep. Sometime during the night the shrew was imprisioned in the rat trap.
" I will take the trap in my scooter and open it far away from our house " I declared.
" This chap will come back " was the rejoinder.
That was indeed a possibility. Then someone gave a brilliant suggestion.
"Why not bathe it in a bright colour. If we see a coloured shrew we will know that he has come back. "
I had a few bright water colours and I gave the shrew a liberal bath in bright yellow colour as he jumped and squeaked.I kept the trap in the sun to dry. The poor chap would otherwise catch cold.
My fun loving brother-in-law was with us on a visit from USA. He said he would accompany me to watch the shrew-liberation-show.
We scootered a good distance and came to the cantonment area where it was quiet. I saw a Colonel's house across the road on the right where a uniformed guard stood at the gate.
My brother-in-law suggested that it was a good place to set the chap free as there was an open field on the left. We expected the shrew to scurry into the shrubs in the open field.
The shrew had different plans. He crossed the road as we set him free , collided at the gate of colonel's house with the guard's boots and then rushed along the driveway into the house. The guard noticed him and ran after him, his shoes making much noise.
The colonel came out.
" what is all this noise ? " he enquired .
" Sir a bright yellow shrew has entered the house."
" Did you say bright yellow?"
" yes sir. A bright yellow shrew"
" Did you, by any chance, have a morning dose of rum, just a little?"
" No sir. Definetly not sir"
There was a bemused expression on colonel's face as he went back into the house.
Mission accomplished we came back home.
I waited and waited for the yellow shrew for a long time but he never came back.
May be, he preferred army life in cantonment to the mundane life in the house of a civilian! After all he was a combatant !
***
"The white horse"
GS, as we called him, was getting married.
When his marriage date drew close he started getting nervous.
GHUR CHARHI (riding a horse) was an essential part of the ceremony and he was ill prepared for it. He dreaded the very idea of riding a horse . The question was : how to avoid it !
He had never in his life played any outdoor games. He never ever did any cycling. Riding a horse was simply unthinkable and yet now seemed so unavoidable.
The marriage was in the town of Unnao, an hour's drive from lucknow. A friend of ours offered to take me to Unnao in his car.
Our car gave some hiccups on the way. we reached there a bit late in the evening, just in time as the bridegroom's barat had already started moving out for the bride's house. I
When we arrived, GS was busy pleading with his elders if he could cover the distance to the bride's place in the ceremonial car, skipping the mandatory horse riding. They were horrified.
"No no , how can you " they said shaking there elderly heads of wisdom, "it is a part of the ceremony. you cannot skip it.. you have to cover this distance to the bride's house on the horse.".
The white horse was standing there, fluttering his ears, as if listening intently to this conversation on the general issue concerning him..And the horse was apparently getting agitated by this crass talk. He was a healthy white horse not used to stupid discussions by timid riders.
GS was eventually escorted to the horse, lifted up and deposited on the horse back. He clumsily sat on it, fearing an impending disaster. The horse twitched his nostrils, to assess the rider. A horse is a very sensitive animal and he doesn't like inept riders.
whlle GS was still trying to grapple with the reins and ackwardly shifting his position, the horse took a major decision. He suddenly neighed loudly, fluttered his ears, turned around and bolted in the opposite direction away from the bride's place, carrying his hysterical baggage.
There was a mighty uproar. People gave out shouts and started running after the horse. There was a whole lot of people chasing it..
we also turned the car and followed the horse down the street.
It was like a scene straight out of a comic hollywood film
like "Fransis the talking mule" From our car we could see GS in a crisis situation. He had. now grabbed the horse's neck, lyiing flat on his stomach on the horse's back and shouting for help.
The horse was moving fast and the frantic cries of GS were heard all along the road. People stopped and watched in dismay. The horse was trying to throw GS off his back but he managed to stick and cling to it, albeit precariously. Somewhere on the way, in this struggle, he lost his new nagaraa ceremonial slippers.
Obstructive traffic on the road made the horse slow down after a distance and some dare devil in the lane managed to grab the reins and stop the horse. GS now slid down the horse back and landed on the road. He hurriedly crawled to the pavement.
GS was now thoroughly shaken with fear as he squatted on the pavement. His family members and friends arrived and took control of the situation.
0urs was the only car available at the spot. So they decided to use it for the grooms journey to the venue of marriage.. It got decorated with a few flowers. It was done in hurry. GS was transferred to the car. Another person occupied the seat at tbe back with him, trying to restore the dress, the headgear, the face, the shoes of the bridegroom.
GS was repeatedly muttering "Maine pahle hee kahaa thaa " (I had told this in advance).
The rest of the ceremony was all smooth and without any incident except that GS constantly kept muttering " maine pahle hi kahaa tha" during the entire ceremony !
After this event GS decided to bycott horses. So he stopped using horse drawn tongas .
It is said that years later, while unwrapping a gift from a friend in Britain he screamed . When his family members rushed to the room they found him staring at the unwrapled whisky bottle.
It was the famous British scotch whisky - WHITE HORSE !!
***
